I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
nutella sex= disaster
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
