just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
