Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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