the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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