You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
