so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
