Tell her she can't have a vagina
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
