god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
