she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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