Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
