Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
