He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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