Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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