on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
