chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
