I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
