remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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