Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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