Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
