it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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