Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
we made out on top of his cat.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
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My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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