I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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