im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
