he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
