break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
