I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
