just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
