You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
