Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
