I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
