sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
