he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize