tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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