Dude my mom stole all your condoms
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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