I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
