Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Couch. On fire.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
