Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize