You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
