drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
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