went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
