I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
