Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
