I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
