I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
