It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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