She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
