doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
