just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
