you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
