I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
