You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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