She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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