I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm having to shit out rocks
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
