You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
