dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If I die, sorry about rent.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
