Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
im holly from the hills drunk
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
