He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Is it penis luge time yet?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
