Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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