Got a toothbrush?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
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He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize