I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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