me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Randomize
