Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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