What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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