Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
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We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
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You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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