I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Randomize
