Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
