omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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