shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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