You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
