i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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