And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
