fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Buhtt sex?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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