I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
