Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
