I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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