Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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