Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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