It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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