don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
