so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Someone shattered a urinal.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i think my cat just said my name.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
