I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
