My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
