So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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