i don't like sucking hair
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
